Six (6) forgotten Kenyan entertainers that rocked the 90s

1.  Karumanzira and the Tausi crew

Walking along the streets of Nairobi, you never miss to spot those posters and signs leading you to a witchdoctor. “Professor Majini Saba: Anatibu Umaskini, Mapenzi, Kulinda boma”, you know the rest. Well, Karumanzira is the likes of those only that his was acting. For all those who watched the Kenyan Soap series ‘Tausi’, you know what I’m saying. By the way, where did Master Sugu mfalme wa machokora go to? Tausi comprised of the likes of Rukia, Mzee Kasri, Lindi, and Mjuba to name a few.

2.  John Karani with “Dancehall Kings & Queens”

And if you want to know where all the Rasta farians crew hang out, here you go. The very popular radio show conducted by John Karani, the small man who never missed to visit my rural area of Kitale for a show during the harvesting season, reason being everyone had harvested and for once all year, farmers had money in their pockets to spend. He was always accompanied by his Lieutenant, Mr. Nakitari aka Nonini who is doing very well in the music industry presently.

3.  Jeff Mwangemi with “Sundowner”

The evening show that had the best of soothing music could not be missed by anyone, especially after a long day at work. You never missed the songs, “From a distance” and “Kiss by a rose on the grave”, name them.

4.  Homeboyz and Omega 1 at ASK grounds

Luckily, the Homeboyz team managed the puberty stage well and graduated into a multi-million shilling investment now with Homeboyz deejays, radio and TV station. The two competitors, Homeboyz and Omega 1 used to put up quite a show especially at Agricultural Shows that were very popular during those days, especially in remote parts of the country where if you missed the event, you had to wait for another 365 days before you could see another. Omega 1 disappeared from the scenes unless they rebranded and may be operating under a different name. The ASK events were a national event where Mzee himself, former president Daniel Toroitich Arap Moi never missed to arrive in his motorcade to inspect a guard of honour and address the fanatic crowd.

5.  Talia the night Nurse

Meet the beautiful lady with the softest voice, at that time of the night, very late when men sneaked from their matrimonial beds to listen to Talia the night nurse hosting the dancehall show. She later left the country but from reliable sources, we understand she is around again.

6.  Tahamaki

If you never watched the series Tahamaki, just grab a Jack Bauer movie and you will feel what I am saying. It was exactly Walker Texas Rangers the Kenyan version, only that the very boring guy Chuck Norris was missing.

By: J. Opata

The dead to pay tax in Kiambu County; Residents to pay fee before burrying loved ones

You think you’ve heard of crazy laws like Zimbabwe women being taxed Shs 400 per scream during labour. Well, you must read this, the Kiambu County government will now heavily tax the dead, or should we say the bereaved. As per the Kiambu County finance bill, if your domesticated animal dies, you will have to part with a fee before you burry or dispose it. For cows, a Shs 400 fee will apply, Shs 150 for goats or sheep, Shs 20 for chicken, Shs 250 for a pig and Shs 20 for a dead rabbit. Well, you better pray that a plaque does not arise and kill several of your livestock.

The County which is considered one of the richest in the country seems to be devising new avenues of raising revenues. Kiambu County is highly industrialized which several industries especially in Limuru, Githunguri and Thika towns. Due to its proximity to the capital city of Nairobi, real estate development is also a booming business with the Tatu City development being the recent top notch upcoming development. However, the 80-20 rule still applies with majority of its residents living under the line of poverty. A few rich individuals in the county command over 80% of developments which include tea and coffee business, real estate, dairy farming and manufacturing industries to name a few. The said few also feature in the list of Kenya’s richest people.

Kiambu government has since come out to clarify the details of the bill and termed media reports on the bill as misleading. In a recent publication, the bill also states that for graves to burry your loved ones at your homes, a fee of Shs 4,500 will apply for adults, Shs 3,000 for children and Shs 2,500 for infants. To burry them at cemeteries,  Shs 8,000 applies to citizens who die within the county, Shs 10,000 for those dying outside the county, Shs 25,000 for non citizens and Shs 30,000 for grave maintenance every time they are renovated. In cases of grave re-opening (e.g.: in cases of court orders), Shs 15,000 will apply for adults, Shs 10,000 for children and Shs 5,000 for infants. In a section termed as :Fees under solid waste management”, collection of dead animals within premises will cost Shs 400 for small animals and Shs 4,000 for large animals like donkeys, horses, camels and pigs. Well, Kiambu Governor William Kabogo has since come out to state that the bill will not be revised leading to a major outcry among residents. Death in Kiambu now still remains a costly affair.

By: Jeremiah Opata

Top gospel artist caught in the act at a parking lot in a recent concert

Wonders never cease, at least that is what rolled in the minds of revelers at a recent concert a prestigious Nairobi hotel when they were treated to a blue movie at the parking lot of Nairobi’s famous restaurant. Only this time, it was not in the big screen but in a car of a top gospel celebrity who had shown up late in the night drunk. The celeb who is infamous for his getting saved and backsliding tactics every year came in the company of his buddies who left him behind. An unidentified woman was later spotted sneaking into the vehicle in the middle of night.

Until then, things looked pretty normal as revelers thought the guy was simply hanging out with a girlfriend. Things got worse when the dude was done with the nightly duties inside his car only to be slapped with a huge invoice by the twilight girl. With an argument ensuing over why the bill was too big for him to foot, more noises and arguments kept attracting a crowd that gathered around. By that time, security guards at the prestigious restaurant came to help solve out the issue which was way out of control with the crowd getting very excited. At some point, the celeb wore a head gear to hide his face from revelers who wanted to take photos for reminisce.

Luck came when the celeb’s friends came back and schemed a plan to smuggle their little buddy out of the scene by bribing security guys who helped move the crowd to ensure the celeb escaped. A media personality who had taken photos was also bribed and the newspaper he works for is yet to publish the story. The celeb who is a one hit singer has been spotted several times engaging in alcoholism contrary to his daytime outlook where he is portrayed as a man of God. In the recent past, gospel celebrities in Kenya have been rocked by the one-for-the-road drinking vice with several going into rehab. Early this year, another gospel artiste was caught in the act at the KICC parking lot where a gospel concert was happening.

Nairobi’s top (5) fast rising and favorite entertainers of 2013

Lupita Nyong’o

In the 17^th annual Hollywood Film Awards, Lupita bagged an award for exemplary performance in the movie ‘12 Years a Slave’. We all know she’s been away but she is still Kenyan and thumbs up for our very own. Her future looks bright and we wish her all the best. If you think I am wrong, you got to check her hanging out with Kanye west; I mean, only Kim Kardashian gets close to Kanye but Lupita broke the rules.

Teacher Wanjiku

The vocal teacher is turning out to be the fastest growing and a force to reckon with in stand-up comedy where fewer women have ventured. She features in Churchill Show and in the current Airtel promo that ends with one of the most visible quotes on social media nowadays, “Alama ya dukuduku”

Ole Lenku

Talk about funny people, Teacher Wanjiku, King’ang’i in Nairobi and crossing to the US, Kevin Hart, Chris Rock, Steve Harvey, Cedric the entertainer, but the list is not complete without our very own Ole Lenku. When he goes like “We have the situation under control as our forces have taken control of all the floors at Westgate except 2^nd, 3^rd and the roof top and not forgetting that there were 10-15 terrorists, we captured both of them.” His was however short-lived.

P-Unit

Arguably one of the hottest and coolest groups in the continent, the P-Unit trio group made up of Frasha, Gabu and Bon-Eye has moved scenes in the last few years. With their hit song ‘Si Lazima’ featuring Nonini catapulting them to fame, several others followed and include 'Juu tu sana', 'Hapa Kule', ‘Kare’, ‘Gentleman’ featuring Sauti Soul and of course ‘You Guy’ that had the bootylicious girl VS Baibe making heads turn. The group’s achievements include being ‘Niko na Safaricom’ brand ambassadors besides doing several gigs in the country and just recently, completed their tour of the US. Bon-Eye, a member of the group tied the Knot earlier this year.

Wakoli Bifwoli

This is the man you see and before he starts talking, you are already laughing. My old pal Tom has always insisted that American actor Chris Rock has got roots in Kenya. Well, if Chris was to come here in search for his long lost family, just like Obama did, he wouldn’t have to look further. Bifwoli has also featured in KTN news channel as a guest anchor.

The list goes on and on;

We shall be listing the top 20 entertainers of the year 2013

To vote, Comment with the name of your favourite entertainer

Miley Cyrus twerks in Hollywood; Meanwhile, Nairobians too want to twerk

Twerk moves seem to be the order of the day, ask rapper Jay-Z and he’ll let you know through his Magna Carta album; and now we even have a twerk dance in Nairobi? It is a new generation of celebrities all over town and they’ve got their ways of making it to the scenes and stay on top. My old friend Tom says these new kids seem to have hit a new low, they do anything for money, strip naked, fake Illuminati membership and now, they too want to twerk, just like Miley Cyrus.

Hannah Montana pin ups still on sale in Nairobi

Hallo!! You guys got to wake up from sleep. Doing my daily rounds in the streets of Nairobi, felt these parents still buying Hannah Montana pin ups for their kids at a kids festival; does the little girl exist anymore? Or maybe we say Miley crushed the kid, took her face and now uses it to walk down the streets naked. I mean, you got to sink it in your little head, the little girl Hannah exist no more; in her body now stands a tall grown up woman trying to survive in Hollywood, by all means. After Hannah put down her wig to reveal her true being, many were crushed and heartbroken, some were very angry that Hannah Montana, the little girl that every young woman looked up to is now a party animal. Meanwhile, Miley, the girl that lived in hiding and disguise all her childhood came out taking everything from Miss Montana. It was so freeing to her as she ventured out relieved and ready to rock ‘n’ roll.

Nairobi twerk girls

The last time I checked, we also got our very own homegrown twerk girls. Call them whatever you like; the word Socialites is still doing rounds but maybe its time we put our girls on international stage. Looking for names, the very prominent in that area of expertise, you know the likes of VS Baibe, Pendo and Huddah. Just like Britney spears or Miley, our girls too can pose nude for cameras; I’m sure you have come across Huddah’s nude photos online, you got to google. All in all, everyone has got to make a living and so far, these girls get paid to show up for gigs, I mean every party guy wants to meet that BBA girl that has got nude photos doing rounds.

The fake Illuminati

Hehehe, you got meet these young lads claiming membership of the highly secretive organization. They think they are Rick Ross; the likes of Octopizzo who wakes up one morning and claims he is a member only to relent the story a week later. It is a lane every upcoming artist is trying to follow. Reports indicate that a number of young people have been swindled in the pretext of being given membership in the organization. We sought to follow up with the claims of the organization existence in Kenya through a facebook page called Illuminati Kenya. After sending a request asking to join, a message came back asking us to send Shs 10,000 via M-pesa mobile money transfer but we did not; our efforts to get their phone number were fruitless. The page has since been deleted